What's Inside You

When I was about 8 years old, I remember seeing one of my Dad’s books sitting on the counter. I saw it enough that it created an imprint on my memory. It was Wayne Dyer’s, “You Erroneous Zones”, written two years before I was born. I don’t remember Dad talking about it much, but looking back, I can certainly see that it had an impact on him. 

In my early 30s, I devoted myself to a much deeper spiritual path. And I was quick to pick up Wayne’s teaching on the Tao Te Ching, “Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life”, partly because I knew my father respected him so much. I was deep into my study of the Tao, and I felt strongly that Wayne could guide me to a deeper understanding of these sacred teachings.

I’ve been devoted to Wayne’s teaching since. And I’ve read (studied) that book at least 20 times, now. It has significantly deepened my understanding of the Tao Te Ching, a teaching I revere, that has profoundly shaped my life.

The study of the Tao also led me to Alan Watts and his teachings on the Water Way and the Tao. My father and I shared a love for Alan’s wisdom, as well as his humor and…swagger. I have lots more of these teachings to share in future posts. Back to Wayne. 

Wayne famously always carried an orange onto the stage when he talked, as a teaching prop. He would hold it up at just the right moment and begin the lesson.

He’d say, “So, obviously this is an orange. And if I squeeze it, what will come out?” The crowd responds with, “Orange juice”. He asks, “Could anything else come out?”. “Nope, just what’s inside”, he would conclude.

He goes on to explain that we are like that orange. And whatever is inside us is what is going to come out when life squeezes us. It’s a simple, but profound teaching. And one that has shaped me considerably.

We get squeezed by life all day long, in all kinds of ways. From arguments to traffic jams to health issues and the usual tragedies and dramas of being a human. This is part of the human experience.

We don’t have control over happenings of life that squeeze us. But we do have control over the way we respond to them. Our responses define our experience of life and how others experience us.

Life is going to squeeze us. But, unlike the orange, we get to be in control of what comes out. We talk about “doing the work” on our spiritual path. To me, doing the work calls me to practice self-regulation and cultivate inner peace and letting go. Those are not easy quests. They require a lot of discipline and devotion. And resilience.

But I care a lot about how I feel and how I show up for my family and friends. So I do the work. I meditate, and exercise, and eat and sleep well. I prioritize relationships. I am constantly studying the wisdom of the sages and living in community with Indigenous elders. I do all of that so I can be the best father I can be. First and foremost.

A couple of weeks ago, I had myself a moment.

I was fixing something in the house and a whole series of insanity ensued. I was already on edge from a multitude of things. And I just broke. Right in front of my kiddos. It was fairly tame, but I definitely blurted out some things I wish they would have had ear-muffs on for. And either way, I was very noticeably angry and frustrated.

I quickly mopped up the water, picked up all the things that had dropped, and regained my composure. And as I always do, I sat down and apologized for my poor behavior. All of that happened within a few minutes. But it was intense. And I wasn’t proud of my response, or what came out of me.

Children are amazing. They are resilient and typically quite eager to get back to peace. They are also more prone to being generous with grace. That’s something we can all learn from. They quickly said, “It’s ok Daddy, we know you were just frustrated”.

While I’m grateful for the grace, I’m also not willing to let myself off the hook. We had a moment. And I want to allow it to move me. To shape me.

I told them that when life squeezes me, I don’t want anger and frustration to come out. I want love and compassion and peace to come out. Because what comes out has to be what is inside me. That’s all that could come out.

That was a few weeks ago. Since then, I’ve applied much more discipline to cultivating inner peace, and really being mindful of my words and the energy I bring into any moment. I’m meditating and spending time with my mantras and nature and wisdom studies. I’m making myself dance (solo in the house) and listening to upbeat music.

I’m purposefully working to cultivate inner peace in an effort to ensure that is what comes out of me when life squeezes me.

To be the father I want to be.
Or the friend.
Or son.
Or partner.
Or guide.
I get to do the work of doing whatever it is I have to do, to ensure that what’s inside me is what I intentionally want to put out into the world.

I’m disciplined in all sorts of ways. But if I don’t channel that discipline toward cultivating my own resilient inner peace, self-love, and kindness, I’ll never have the life experience I truly want. 

Nothing matters more to me than how I show up for my children. And that’s enough motivation for me to devote myself to this path. And of course, there are lots of other benefits to reap from the ripple of that commitment.

This is a commitment, first to myself, and then to my children, and to my friends, clients, and anyone else I come into contact with. Our family motto is “Just Be Love”. That isn’t just a cute saying for us. It’s a way of being. A charge. A call to attention and alignment.

So, when life squeezes you, what comes out?

Of all the things I could give my focus, I believe, “what’s inside of me” should get my full attention. I also believe that everything I care about most will benefit from that commitment.

I’ve got some newly refined Workshops & Trainings where I’m guiding people in the areas of:

Sacred Parenting Path →
Wellbeing & Spirituality→

I’d be honored to come alongside you on your journey.

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