Allow This to Move You

A few years ago my bother interviewed me on his podcast and asked me how I have lived so deeply and had such an elective array of experience. I responded by saying, “I just keep hurling myself into deeply human experiences”.

I’ve packed a lot into my 46 years as a human. The last 30 years of ardent activism and philanthropy have afforded me an expansive perspective and the ability to relate and empathize more deeply with more humans.

Being a father has also increased my capacity for compassion, empathy, patience, kindness, generosity, and lots of other wonderful traits.

When my father was dying, I kept saying to family and friends, “Just allow yourself to be swept into this. Be vulnerable and feel it all deeply. Allow it all to move you, to change and shape you. This is a moment we want to steward well.”

Since then, I’ve had the opportunity to process more of my thoughts as I process the journey with others.

Empathy

My sister describes sympathy as an offering of care and concern, while empathy exhibits a willingness to get down in the dirt with the other person, to be vulnerable, to weep with them, feel with them, to hold space, to be love.

But Western culture teaches us that it’s wiser to guard and protect our emotions, and not to get too entangled in other people’s suffering.

We’re taught that when something difficult or heartbreaking arises, the wise choice is to protect ourselves, be strong, and move on quickly.

We hear things like, “It’s ok to engage a little, but don’t let yourself get caught up in the moment or swept down the river of someone else’s emotions”.

Empathy isn’t a sacrificial act, it’s an act of mutual benefit. Protecting ourselves from that level of intimate compassion cuts us off from opportunities for transformation, meaningful connection, and a deeper capacity for joy.

I often talk about making space for miracles, which calls us to be willing to seize opportunities to empathize with others in their moment. To be vulnerable and fully present (not guarded). To fully open up to someone else’s experience and allow it to churn in your heart.

That space is where all the magic happens. That’s where we discover our true divinity and humanity all interwoven together through out innate interconnectedness.

The real magic is somewhere down that muddy river of emotions and the kind of complexity we typically try to avoid.

When I lived in Rwanda (five years), I threw myself into the plight of the African Woman and Child. I lived where they were struggling. I adopted a ten-year-old child (18 years ago), and even spent time in jail (so many times…).

That experience shaped me. It’s part of who I am, now. It represents some of the best parts of how I show up in the world now. Because I hurled myself into the experience and allowed it to move me.

I did the same when I was a first responder for Hurricane Katrina victims. I spent two weeks pulling people out of the water, cutting trees off of homes, serving food to communities, and dodging bullets on one occasion.

In each instance, I hurled myself into the moment and allowed that experience to shape me and become part of who I am.

That journey has helped me become more patient, resilient, and compassionate. Now I can exhibit those traits in my day-to-day experience, with ease. That’s a gift.

I’ve developed an authentic desire to feel deeply and allow a moment to move me. I seek it out. I get excited about the opportunity to evolve my perspective and understanding of humanity.

And when my father began his journey home, I leaned in, all the way. That response afforded me the greatest honor of my life.

I didn’t have to think about that. I’m trained for it. It was natural. I was fully present, fully engaged, completely immersed. Time stood still. I was attuned to the moment. And I wanted it to move and transform me.

You don’t always have to show up at the scene as I did to be able to allow something to move you.

Often, when something pops off in America like the Furgison riots or another mass shooting, or in the case of the wars in Palestine and Ukraine, people ask me, “What can I do to help or stop or change this?”.

I always have the same response.

When…
You witness racism and bigotry…
Another innocent child loses their life to gun violence…
Another genocide is in progress…
A natural disaster destroys a small town…
Violence arises from rampant oppression…
Another war breaks out…
You lose a family member or friend…

Simply allow it to move you.
Allow yourself to be completely swept down the river.
Don’t guard your emotions. Open them up.
Allow time to stand still.
Be vulnerable. Lean in.
Allow yourself to feel it all, to empathize deeply.
Allow the moment to speak to you, to churn in you.
Allow it to change you, to inform the way you show up in the world.

Most of all, allow it to inform your perspective and behavior.
That’s how you allow it all to really matter.

When people are faced with a tragedy, they typically see two possible paths:

1. Tap out, cut off, protect emotions, be responsible.

2. Address the problem through direct tactical actions.

The first choice represents a missed opportunity. The second is sometimes warranted. But what is almost always called for, is to engage in empathy and allow yourself to be affected by what’s going on.

When I’m met with a challenge or suffering or loss, I view it as a moment I want to steward well. Because there is an opportunity for growth there.

Interdependence

When Ram Dass was transitioning to formlessness, he realized something powerful. We discover our true divinity only when we embrace interdependence, as he did, most notably in the end.

We’ve been taught that interdependence is the same as codependence and independence is the most honorable goal. In the West, we pride ourselves on being as independent as possible and many believe interdependence is for hippies and slackers, not something to be proud of.

The cultural perspective on interdependence seems congruent with the concept that it’s more responsible to guard your emotions and not get swept up in a tragic or challenging moment.

Interdependence presents the opportunity for a deeper human experience, true symbiosis, and elevated wisdom and capability. I do believe we are stronger together, as a tribe, especially in times of great difficulty.

Interdependence is an act of prolonged empathy and self-actualization. It’s just as much a service to another as it is to yourself.

We get to allow these moments to move us.

When something challenging arises, when something tugs on your heart, I encourage you to let down your guard and lean in. Feel all the feels. Let them penetrate your heart and move through you.

Let go and listen to what the moment wants to teach you.

Explore the possibilities of interdependence and empathy, and their power to shape what matters to us most, and who you become.

Most of all, I encourage you to allow yourselves to feel deeply and to be moved and shaped by the things that tug at your heart. Don’t shut it off. Embrace it.

And allow this to move you. Enter each moment with the expectation that it will and that the journey will be worth it.

Explore my series about my relationship with my father and my journey in walking him home as his death doula.

Walking My Father Home pt.1 →
and the series continues…

I recently launched my new website. Visit JaredAngaza.com →

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