Walking My Father Home pt. 04

Walking My Father Home pt.1 →
Walking My Father Home pt.2 →
Walking My Father Home pt.3 →

Through this process with my father, I’ve realized how much our lives are impacted by how we navigate transitions, from the small and seemingly mundane to extremely significant. From the devastating to the most awe-inspiring.

The way we approach transitions defines so much of our journey and how we show up in the world.

My father was known for his commitment to navigating transitions with great intentionality and grace. People were often moved by his approach to each challenge with his “What does this make possible” mindset (commitment).

Dad saw adversity, “problems”, and loss as “an opportunity for a solution”. Sure, he got frustrated at times, but he always turned it around before it metastasized into anger. He moved through it quickly. I believe he even came to appreciate the challenge. It represented an opportunity for change, and he always welcomed that.

We continually witnessed him transition from one expectation to the next, always seeing the light and the possibility in every struggle. Whenever he got a curveball, he’d immediately redirect the energy like some sort of Judo master. It left us baffled at times.

The only thing Dad ever clung to was our family. Everything else was quite fluid. He was always willing to give up what he had or where he was for the opportunity to further evolve and embrace a change beyond what his own imagination could afford him.

Transitions represent change, and most people are quite intimidated by that prospect. We cling to the familiar and what feels “safe”. Dad wasn’t held back by that. He was always willing to sail away from the shore and explore new territory at any moment.

He was committed to his values, and equally committed to constantly evolving his perspective, beliefs, behaviors, relationships, tactics, and approach to life. He valued the uniqueness in everyone, and in himself.

He was committed to seeing the awe and wonder and possibility in each moment.

He shined his light bright. And it seemed to shine even brighter during significant transitions in his life, especially in the end. As soon as it was confirmed that his cancer was terminal and aggressively fast, he immediately pivoted and embraced his journey home. There was no fight. Just acceptance, and grace, as any sage would do.

He inspired so many people throughout his life. And I think he inspired as many or more through the way he approached his greatest transition ever. People watched in awe as he gracefully accepted his death sentence and exhibited so much grace and love as he journeyed home.

When my brother and I were processing our father’s passing together recently, I said, “We can view anything that happens to us as medicine or poison, it’s our choice”. I really do believe that.

Dad said “Problems are just an opportunity for a solution”, and I think that was his way of positing that you can either view a challenge or loss as something that can help you (medicine) or something that is hurting you (poison).

Dad inspired me to:

• Welcome and embrace the opportunity for change.

• Choose to find the light in every situation, and human.

• Adapt quickly and never be rigid.

• In every challenge or loss, ask, “What does this make possible?”.

• Never allow myself to feel like a victim of my circumstances.

• Don’t shy away from reinventing yourself, whenever needed.

• You are the only one responsible for your attitude. (That was one of his favorites.)

In essence, embrace transition and view it as medicine.

I’ve learned to view transitions as a gift. They represent an opportunity to expand my perspective and help me evolve further and be more of the human I want to be. I believe the transition comes as a way of opening the door to our next important chapter, if we allow it.

Dad viewed everything as medicine for the soul. Losing him hurts so much. Every day. But his legacy inspires me to embrace this transition and allow it to change me. To experience it as a rite of passage, and to allow it to be an opening, rather than a closing.

I think there is something important to point out here. My choice to view everything as medicine is based on my resilient faith that we live in a benevolent universe and everything is ultimately working toward love.

My father navigated transitions well because he shared a similar faith. He believed that whatever transition was occurring was ultimately drawing him closer to what he truly wanted, even if he couldn’t understand it or didn’t like it.

I was reading in Dad’s, “An Understanding Heart” book today and I read this passage from him, in response to a podcast listener’s question.

With a faith like that, it’s not surprising he was able to adapt so quickly and embrace each transition, even his death.

In honor of my father, I’m doing what he would do, and embracing this moment as the catalyst of something that has been waiting to bloom, and only a transition this powerful could allow it to unfold.

I’m listening, Dad. And asking, “What does this make possible?”.

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My Mother, Brother, and Sister have been posting journal updates on the family since all of this started. Visit our CarringBridge Site →

As I continue to integrate my journey with my father, I’m taking some bigger leaps, and reinventing myself. As he often did. I just launched my new website and it conveys a lot of where I’m at these days.
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